<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>years after, and always by bloodplums</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23359222">years after, and always</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodplums/pseuds/bloodplums'>bloodplums</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Red Velvet (K-pop Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:35:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23359222</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodplums/pseuds/bloodplums</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been five years, but Seulgi still hopes that Seungwan remembers, and that she knocks on her door.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bae Joohyun | Irene/Son Seungwan | Wendy, Kang Seulgi/Son Seungwan | Wendy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>years after, and always</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please forgive me if there are any typographic errors or inconsistency in grammar and/or characterization. Please continue streaming Psycho!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“…these things remind me now</em><br/>
<em>of Anaktoria who is far,</em><br/>
<em>and I</em><br/>
<em>for one</em>
</p><p>
  <em>would rather see her warm supple step</em><br/>
<em>and the sparkle of her face—than watch </em><br/>
<em>all the dazzling chariots…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>- Sappho, ‘To Anaktoria’ (Translated by Willis Barnstone)</em>
</p><p>           </p><p> </p><p>“<span class="u"><strong>U</strong></span>nnie! Let’s go out!”</p><p>            I felt sluggish, so I just grunted “<em>It’s open</em>” at the door.</p><p>            My roommate opens the door and steps inside, and she’s exasperated. “Yerimie! She’s at it again!”</p><p>            I hear shuffling of feet and another head pokes into the room. I spare them a glance and ask, “Since when has your hair been pink?”</p><p>            Yerim raises her eyebrow at me and shakes her head a little too dramatically. “She’s hopeless, Sooyoung unnie.”</p><p>            My roommate, Sooyoung, crosses her arms and sits on my bed. “Quit moping around, unnie.” She sounds irritated, but she’s gently stroking my hair. Yerim marches over to us and sits cross-legged on the floor, pressing her forehead to Sooyoung’s thigh.</p><p>            After a few minutes of silence, Sooyoung whispers, almost sadly, “It’s been five years, unnie. You deserve to be free of this burden.”</p><p>            Yerim doesn’t speak but she gives a small nod.</p><p>            I slowly sit up and look outside for a bit. The sky is clear, but I know it’s a bit chilly outside because the two are carrying jackets. They’re both looking at me and waiting. I sigh, turn to them, and nod. “Where are you two headed? I’ll join you later. I’ll just get ready.”</p><p>            Yerim immediately jumps to her feet and Sooyoung flashes me a warm smile. “We can just meet at the café, unnie,” she says quickly, “Then we can do something fun after that!”</p><p>            “Alright, sounds good.” I muster a soft smile.</p><p>            Yerim is immediately pulling Sooyoung out the door and waving at me. “We’ll see you later, Seulgi unnie! Don’t take too long!” And with that, they’re off.</p><p>            I get up and shower before I change my mind. As I was drying my hair and trying to look not as pathetic, my phone lights up. <em>The kids are so impatient</em>, I mutter to myself as I put the hairdryer down and grab my phone, but I freeze. It’s a message from <em>her</em>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong> <em>T</em></strong></span>
  <em>oday was the day I joined the music club in high school all those years ago, and today was also the day I met Seungwan. We’ve been best friends ever since, but I also have…. been falling for her. Ever since. It took some time to gather courage, but I’ve decided: today will also be the day that I confess to her, my best friend, my soulmate.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            I keep glancing at the clock. She’s about five minutes late and she’s never usually late. With shaking hands, I grab my phone and text her.</em>
</p><p>Wannie! Where are you? You’re late! &gt;:(</p><p>            <em>It takes her a good minute to respond.</em></p><p>I’m so sorry, Seul! :’( The professor wouldn’t dismiss us! I’m running right there now, though!</p><p>Don’t run, Wannie! I don’t want you to trip!</p><p>            <em>It’s not long before she gets to “our” bench, but she’s actually been running. “Wannie!” I scold her lightheartedly. “I told you not to actually run! I could’ve waited!”</em></p><p>
  <em>            She sits down and smiles brightly at me. “It’s fine, Seul,” she pants and reaches for her tumbler, taking big gulps of water.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            “Already exhausted after that short run, huh? You’re out of shape, Wannie!” I poke her side and laugh teasingly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            “Hey!” She elbows me, mocking offense. “You wound me, Seulgi.” We both laugh.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            After she’s rested for a bit, she says that we should get going. I nod and stand up. She links her arms around mine and after a few seconds of walking, exclaims, “Oh! I forgot to tell you something!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            I crane my head slightly to look at her. My heart was beating erratically. “What is it, Wan?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            “Well, do you remember Joohyun unnie?” She smiles, and I nod. “Well… she wants to go on a date with me, Seul! She asked me out!” She practically squealed, and my heart dropped. Did I hear her correctly? Why were we still walking?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p><span class="u"><strong>I</strong></span> shut my eyes tightly, but make sure I’m already out the door headed to the café before I even open her message. I finally open it when I was halfway there.</p><p>
  <em>Hey, Seul! How are you? Hyunnie and I are going to visit Seoul in two months, and we want to meet up! I miss you so much, Seul. Hope we can talk soon. :D</em>
</p><p>            I groan and pinch the bridge of my nose. Seungwan has always been trying to keep in touch with me, even when she moved away. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t actively trying to avoid her. Five years of trying to let our physical distance manifest into emotional distance, yet I still feel the dull ache from the wrenching pain my heart carried years and years ago. I hastily type my reply before heading into the café where Sooyoung and Yerim are probably already annoyed at me.</p><p>
  <em>Hey, Wan. I’m out with Sooyoung and Yerim right now. I’ll talk to you later.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em><span class="u"><strong>W</strong></span>e’re five papers and three exams away from graduating university. I’m at Velvet café – always this café – typing away on my laptop and I hear the door open. Seungwan is here, and she’s radiant. Joohyun is tightly clutching her hand. I do my best to ignore the pain in my chest and manage a smile and wave before turning back to my laptop. When they reach our table, I hear Wan ask her girlfriend, “Are you sure you’re not going to stay with us?” I just know she’s pouting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            “I’m sorry, babe, but my dad needs me.” How she could resist her is beyond me, but I’m glad I’m spared too much heartache. I know Wan is still pouting, but I see Joohyun squeezing her hand gently before she acknowledges me. “Take care of her for a while, Seulgi,” she smiles warmly at me – which made me feel… guilty?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Like I haven’t always, is what I wanted to say. But I just offer a small nod and smile as she kisses my best friend, my soulmate’s cheek before leaving. I force myself to not look too hurt, to not look away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When Wan sits across from me, she puts her hands on the table, and that’s when I notice it. No, that’s not possible. Is it? I look at her and ask instead, “Why don’t you have your stuff with you, Wannie?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh!” She chuckles. “I’m actually done with most of my papers, Seul. But I wanted to talk. Can we?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I gulp, but smile at her. I figured it was the least I could do for my best friend. I put my laptop away, and she immediately grabs my hands and I resolve to look at her instead of the ring she’s wearing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Seul…” She starts, and I can tell she’s nervous. But there’s also glowing. “Joohyun unnie asked me to move to the States with her.” She squeezes my hands and smiles.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope I didn’t take too long to open my mouth and dumbly ask her, “What?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She offers a smaller smile this time. Her eyes look almost sad. “Joohyun asked me to live with her in the States. I said yes, Seul. I want to be with her… I want to marry her, Seul.” And at this, she brightens.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m almost blinded.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know I couldn’t cry there, so I close my eyes for a bit and take a deep breath. “Wannie… I’m going to miss you,” was all I could say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She looks taken aback for a moment – she hasn’t considered that. She hasn’t thought about being away from her best friend, and for some reason, that hurt more than anything. She quickly gathered herself, but it was too late. I already knew, and I was struggling to keep it together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry, Seul.” She’s sincerely apologetic. I can’t take this anymore. “I’ll miss you too. But I promise! I promise I’ll chat you every day, even if it’s just to greet you a good morning, or evening. I’m not too sure about the time differences yet!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I look down, and she squeezes my hand again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Seul, I promise. Best friends forever, right? I promise. You’re my best friend forever.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span class="u"><strong>I</strong></span> hurriedly order my iced caramel macchiato and proceed to the table that Sooyoung and Yerim occupied.</p><p>            “What took you so long, unnie? I thought you were going to bail on us!” The two girls chuckle. “Do you know how difficult it is to get you to even shower when you’re all mopy?”</p><p>            “Seungwan texted me,” I blurted.</p><p>            “What?!” They say at the same time, their faces scrunched up in a frown.</p><p>            “Relax, you two.” I say, but they’re not buying it.</p><p>            “Unnie.” Sooyoung holds my arm firmly. “I won’t let her stop you from being happy.”</p><p>            I was shocked. I didn’t think Sooyoung would say that. I choke back my tears.</p><p>            “What does she want, anyway?” Yerim asks.</p><p>            “She…. Her and Joohyun unnie are visiting Seoul next next month. They want to meet up.”</p><p>            The two look at each other and ask at the same time, “Did you reply?”</p><p>            I nod. “But I only told her that I’m out with you guys and I’ll talk later.”</p><p>            My friends visibly sigh in relief. “Good job, unnie!” Yerim smiles and Sooyoung nods in agreement.</p><p>            “So… Where are we heading next?” is my attempt to change the topic.</p><p>            “Wanna go to the river?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u"> <strong> <em>S</em></strong></span>
  <em>eungwan asked to go on a trip to the beach before she leaves for San Francisco. I agree. Joohyun doesn’t come, she says that it’s good for us to bond as best friends. I sarcastically thank her in my mind for saving me from more heartache. This is the last time I’ll have Wan to myself. My best friend, the love of my life.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            The sun has already set and it’s getting dark quickly. Wannie and I are sitting on the shore, the cool wind surrounding us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            “So this is really it, huh?” I say to her, my voice barely above a whisper.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            She nods. “I’ll miss you, Seul. Really.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            “I’ll miss you too, Wannie.” And I mean that with a weight more than you will ever know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            We were silent for I don’t even know how long when I spoke up again. “Are you excited, Wannie?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            She grins, and I want to keep this moment, place it in a glass casing, and protect it forever. “I am, Seul. Also scared, but my happiness outweighs it. I’m really, really looking forward to being with Joohyun unnie.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            I feel that sharp pang in my chest again, but I suck it up. I force myself to look at my best friend – at the love of my life – and I tell her: “I’m happy for you, Wannie.” And I mean it. I just wished I was happy, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            She brightens even more and gently tackles me into a hug. I hug her back and squeeze her tightly. “I’m really going to miss you, Seul,” she mumbles.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            “Hey, Wannie?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            “Hmm?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            I pull away, still holding onto her frame, and look her in the eyes. “I want you to know… I want you to remember that after years and years, maybe even when we’re old, if you ever find yourself alone, you… If you ever find yourself alone at the end of it all, then you can always come back to me.” I exhale, but I don’t let my resolve faster. “You can always knock on my door, and I’ll let you in, and then you won’t ever be alone again.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            She looks at me, and it takes her a while to digest what I said. I try my best to keep my hands from trembling. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally says, “Oh, Seul. Thank you. I know that, and I’ll remember. You always have me too, hm?” She’s teary. She pulls me in for a tighter hug, but she doesn’t read what I meant under those words.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            I already lost you, Seungwan.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><span class="u"><strong>A</strong></span>fter hours of letting Sooyoung and Yerim tease me, I finally decide to sit on one of the benches. They were still taking pictures of each other.</p><p>            I pull my phone out and I’m unable to stop myself from going to that picture. The only one in my favorites. The one Seungwan and I took at this exact spot, a week before we started University.</p><p>            I stare at it for a long time. We looked absolutely happy that it was devastating. I quickly press the home button and see that there was another message notification. Seungwan replied hours ago, immediately after I did.</p><p>
  <em>No worries, Seul! Have fun! ^-^</em>
</p><p>            I glance at my friends, and they’re still preoccupied. I ponder for a while, typing and deleting what I’ve written. With a sigh, I’m finally able to come up with something less pathetic and press send.</p><p>
  <em>Hey, Wannie. I would love to meet, of course! When exactly do you arrive? Can I bring Sooyoung and Yerim along?</em>
</p><p>            Well… That’s that. I already set myself up. I see Seungwan’s reply again and I don’t respond. I jump back to that picture of us. I upload it onto Instagram, delete it from my gallery, and call Sooyoung and Yerim.</p><p>
  <em>Can’t wait to see my best friend again! Two months! :) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>end.</em> </strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>